Impirfic

Social Standards and Expectation, Judgement, Change, People, Governmental Opinions

It takes one hair to ruin the whole dish

      Hey guys, thanks for being bored and stumbling across my blog. Just kidding. If I didn’t mention it yet, my name is Tish. I’m 30 years old, and I have a daughter.  I want to thank anyone and everyone who read my first blog and who decides to keep reading and growing with me. I’ve gotta tell ya, that I was pretty ticked the other day with the incident at the gas station. It got me thinking about how time has changed the way society treats each other.

These kids don't understand why they are being mean. Because everyone else is doing it too?

These kids don’t understand why they are being mean. Because everyone else is doing it too?

    Seems to me, you have to wear the right clothes, drive a nice car, and seemingly most apparent, you have to be “considered beautify” by others to feel accepted.  What happened to us? I know that bullying has been around since school began, but kids weren’t committing suicide over a couple bullies. Now there are massive shootings at schools because some teenager is fed up with how they are treated. If you also have an opinion about these issues, lets talk about it. So, I decided to start a blog because I am fed up with how inconsiderate and selfish Americans are today. The only person I have had that will listen to me is my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great listener. But I want to spread my words. I am hoping this will eventually get to people that take me seriously and pass it on. And I have so many things to talk about. There are so many things that disturb and trouble me. Now; some may argue that there is nothing I can do to help anything, and one person can’t change the world. Then I would say to that, “you are absolutely correct!”. But I want to propose a different way (or I could use the word angel) of thinking for everyone. Other words, thinking outside the box, in someone else’s shoes, and on a different level than you. If you don’t already, ask yourself how things become popular in the first place? How did the dying of peoples hair in funky color’s become world wide? One answer could be that it started with one person who stepped outside the”imaginary-judgmental-society-box” and decided to be different. Said the “who cares” and did something that they liked.  Which showed other’s that it was okay to be different. A lot of people sneered at the mere idea of a boy wearing his hat backwards. Said that it was a sign of disrespect. But why? Because people complained! And when enough people complain to the right group of people, laws are invented. Crazy silly laws that make us wonder what happened to create such a ridiculous law. Here’s one that is no longer enforced but still proves my point; “One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.” (Fargo, North Dakota) [http://www.thedatereport.com search: dumb-us-laws.]

 

  

  

 

 

 

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A letter to a brother Part 1

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(I’m going to say that the feelings and emotions expressed in this post, may or may not offend, ward off, or be interpreted as ‘towards’ anyone other than what the title mentions.)


So I have two brothers who have birthdays in the month of October. One is in just a few days, he’ll be 26. The other brother’s is on the 31st. The complicated part about these two, is that the older one is my step brother, (father died when he was three), and the younger one, well, he is my half brother. We share the same dad, they both share the same mother. Which would be my step mother, Ok?

We’ve all known each other since the beginning of time, and as far as growing up together, I would say we were as close as a pulled-apart disfunctional set of step siblings as we could be. It wasn’t until we moved to Boise back in 2000 that things really started to pull away from itself. The younger one, was just barely getting into junior high when I was graduating high school. (The older one decided to drop out and start working. “More power to ya brother. You didn’t miss much.”) The older one didn’t come around much after he left and began to do his own adult-like things. The younger one, ya we were cool with each other. I gave him rides to school every now and then and we’d share stories of the adventures we’d get into, and ya, he made me laugh.

I just really have to mention something here. Now, (don’t think I’ve left you out, it just wasn’t your turn to join the group yet), I also have a full blooded brother, who grew up with all of us, up until he was about 13 years old, just over a year younger than me. He got into some trouble and was taken from the home to never return till just about a year ago. (Very long story, again, complicated. But I just had to mention that there was another sibling that was there, he just isn’t apart of this post.)

I guess you could say that near the end of my time spent as a “child” and me moving out, my younger brother and I had a pretty good relationship.

Now…not so much. We don’t speak. Haven’t spoken in maybe over a year, or less. It has come to the point where I have deleted him from my facebook so that I don’t have to talk to him. I could avoid him.

To kind of boil it down. Him and I are somewhat like our dad, in the sense that we have very strong opinions about things.The younger, he may have recieved a little more of the stubborn-ness than I did, but still, opinionated is what we call it.

So yes, we’ve had our moments of harsh words and put-downs towards each other; but WHAT is going on inside his brain? What did I do that was so hateful or impacting to make him have such resentment towards me? It couldn’t have been the words between us. He did make me out to be, or act as such, an incompetent women/mother/adult. But why would that make him resent me? So what if I had a few bumps to hurdle over in the beginning of adult-hood. So what if I’ve made mistakes, more than once. These things still don’t make me a bad person. According to him, if I remeber right, he doesn’t have time nor does he have any sympothy for people who are not trying to better themselves everyday. So, in his eyes, he must think, in some sort of way, that I am not trying to better myself.

Well, better myself by who’s standards? I’m not going to quit my job to go to school. I have a hard enough time keeping my jobs as it is. To then go and rack up a giant student loan that I will forever be paying the government back for. No thanks.I already tried that once, and couldn’t pass the math course. (That, however, being an online university, had more reasons than math, for me not following through with the degree.) But of course, he wouldn’t have a grudge against me for not being able to pass math, would he?
And I’m certainly not going to give up more time away from my daughter, to her father, so that I could work multiple jobs. Something I wouldn’t be physically able to do anyway due to health issues. Having someone other than himself to look after is something he knows very little about. (Here’s a side thought. I feel, that ever since my younger brother got that job in North Dakota, making good money, it seemed to go to his head. Almost as if he was better than I or our older brother for not having the things he did. Or not being able to do the things he did. Also before he decided to move to the west coast for music schooling, we all had high hopes for him. He is a very talented musician. But that seemed to go to his head too. And all the while, he was getting help from our dad as a co-signer on a student loan. And the cost to get back and forth from California and Idaho. Along with the cost it took to create all of those cd’s he was supposed to sell. To this day I don’t think that number is very many. (From things that I gathered throughout this time, I dont think he realized how serious and expensive it was to help him through all of that.)
All of the aspirations I got into was something I made decisions about on my own. Without help from our parents or anyone. Not saying that I never needed it, but I knew the answer would most likely be no, and why would MY PARENTS help me out with great financials anyways? Even if they could I dont think they would at the time.

So, with little information to go off of, I could understand how a good response to some of these questions would be tough. But if you take the written words you see before you, and try not to put yourself in either shoes for a moment. Just take the thoughts as they are; one might be able to say that my younger brother might have a little bit of an ego problem? A, chip on his shoulder, maybe? Funny thing, is that none of us were raised to act that way towards people with lesser things. At least, I didn’t grow up that way.

But here’s the picture in a little more light . Imagine haveing three older siblings, at least four years older than you, and grade levels higher. You were the baby out of four children and was treated, and expected to be treated, as such. Of course, you always hear about the youngest always getting what they wanted. Right? Well, I can assure you, that in this case, it was no different. So, imagine him.growing up with his older siblings, but being a half decade behind them. By the time we were all out of the house, he still had his entire high school years to go through by himself; as a single child pretty much. He got treated completely different that I did. (And if anyone tries to deny this, then they are lying. Because I’ve talked about this with everyone before.) I just dont understand how he doesn’t see the difference between mine and his childhood. Mentally, physically, emotionally, both were completely different. Maybe you suppose he has that attitude that, “I can do better things with myself” because he truely believes that we had it the same? He came out just fine with minimal mistakes, why could’nt I?

(I wanted to say a personal thought here in relation to the, “he had it easier” paragraph. I am, by no means, blaming my mistakes or issues I had and have, on my younger brother having it easier than me. My point for the explanation is to show the difference between our lives to try and get some understanding on how someone could act so heartless.)

I want to paint a picture of how I remember growing up. From age 10 through 18, I will briefly describe how I saw things, with some from earlier years. And then I will do the same with my younger brother, keeping in mind that I am only giving opinions and personal thoughts. Facts are based upon my memory only.  I grew up knowing that my birth mother didn’t want me. Thinking that the biggest reason for moving away from the west was all mine and my blood brother’s fault. Due to our birth mother claiming that she was going to kiddnapp us. I lived in a house with a father, step mother, half brother, step brother, and blood brother. I was the only girl. For some reason through out childhood, my step-mother liked to pick on me. Tell me horrible things like, “I’m never going to amount to anything  when I’m older.” I even had my step-grandmother telling me the same kind of horrible things. I had a dad that didn’t care to spend much time with us because he was either too tired, too busy, too angry, too irritated, or we were just annoying. When it was almost time for me to graduate, I had numberous talks with my step mother about how she couldn’t wait till I was out of her house. And she’ll be so glad to see me gone. I don’t remember my graduation being nearly as exciting and wonderous as my little brother’s was. And I’m almost certain he didn’t receive a hate-goodbye letter stuffed in his already packed room. (Keeping in mind that him and I were the only two of the four kids to actually graduate highschool. And I graduated 4 or 5 years before him.) I had been 18 years old, and considered an adult, since February of that year. And I was still forced to think that I had to ask to do anything. Go to a friends house, get a ride home, or use the phone. (Also keep in mind, that by this time, my older brother had not lived in our house for a couple years now. He’s four months older than me. And my blood brother had left the home four or more years prior also. So all that was left was just him and I.) So for the extrodinary sense of calmness and forgiveness that I hold in my heart, I sure did grow up feeling like I was un-important, un-appreciated, un-loved, discusted by, and a failure. I shouldn’t have to think hard to remember good moments of my childhood.

My younger brother didn’t have it as “lucky” as I did. He grew up with both biological parents, and three half siblings. One from our step mom, and two from our dad. Grew up knowing that he was cared for, no matter what. Was never looked down upon for not doing something right, or right now. Had most biological family living close by for comfort when needed. Was told most the time, that, “he can do it!”. Was probably never put down by his family in any way. Never made to feel like he wasn’t good enough. His graduation was definitely something to remember. He had a band going, ok, maybe it was karaoke but still music in general. Alcohol, beer or liquor, not really sure but for as fun as it seemed there should have been. None of which I was aloud to touch until I was 21. All of his friends. (Something I had got into an argument over, with my parents, graduation night. They didn’t see the reason for me to go down to my friends house to celebrate graduating together. It was such an issue, I remember crying and being completely upset over it. Even my friends mom didn’t understand what the big deal was. Not one friend did I have at our house for a party for me, but I did eventually end up going to one that night.) My little brother was raised to feel special and welcome. Why does he not pass on the power of equality and forgiveness? If its a person that is dear to him, that he feels deserves forgiveness or equally, then they will get that. But if its someone that doesn’t matter a whole lot to him, it seems like he will hold that person, accountable for what ever they did wrong for the rest of their life.

Which is what seems like is happening to me. He needs to get over the fact that I am not like him. He needs to have and show compassion for people that struggle more than he does. Mental trauma is a proven disorder which has forceably taken over peoples lives and made it hard for them to do things. For reason’s I can’t explain or stop, I unfortunately suffer from these emotional traumatic issues.  If he would just take a moment to hear my side, not my excuses, just a different mind set, or angle. Maybe he would be able to see past his nose, and realize just how different, and exactly the same we really are.

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http://www.envisionyourfutureonline.com/2014/08/23/imagine-believe-achieve/

Love this!

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Decision making time

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Why we crave the answer to Why?

It’s obviously in our nature to ask the three letter question why.
Usually it comes after something negative or bad had happened. Like asking your children ‘why’ they lied to you. Or the infamous God ‘why’ an innocent person had to die in a tragedy. Both scenarios most always ending in more unanswered questions.

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The ‘why’ question that has been eating at me lately is one some of us are all to familiar with. ‘Why doesn’t he like me? Why can’t I seem to hold onto a boyfriend?  Why do all my relationships end up terrible mistakes? Why am I not as good as her? (I know I’d be better than that.)’
All of these why’s just seem to circle our personal lives without ever resolving. Without ever finding the answers. Sometimes we try and answer them ourselves.  Like, “well maybe its just not the right time”. Or, “I’m better than that anyways”. But do these self answered whys really satisfy our burning desire to know the truth? I can tell you that for me, it doesn’t.  It doesn’t even come close to what I really want to know.

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Its true guys.

Ok ok ok, I do realize that there is that slim possibility that if I actually asked the person directly the question thats killing me inside, they might actually give me an honest truthful answer. Which most likely will never occur. And if it does it would probably be all sugar coated and halved to spare me the upset of what the real truth is.
So which would you like more? Not knowing the hard why questions and just letting things play out on their own. Or knowing the answer to every question that comes to mind? Honestly I would like the answer to just one question.  Why do men keep stringing you along even though they know where the outcome leads? You, heart broken, and them, moving right along where they left off before you. 

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You’ve made it so hard to hate you

When someone captures your attention, the kind of attention that makes the whole world stop. The kind that makes everything seem to disappear.  When someone floods your heart and soul with undivided attention like that, all you want to do is give them all of yours.
So if you’ve lived a life like mine, or something similar,  you’ve probably had a couple dozen or so relationships. Some got serious, some just a couple of months and maybe one or two you wished lasted longer. But I can guarantee you that when you got that feeling of complete lust, from someone you just met, you knew you just had to be with them. Even if you haven’t actually met that person. Maybe you just saw them at a party. But you knew from that first moment you had feelings for them. And this type of feeling, I can honestly say, was never felt right away with any of my serious relationships. It was always the ones that never went anywhere.  Never got past the awkward stage. Or the timing was just completely off.  (I always liked the, “Damn Tish, wish I would have met you a long time ago.” line.) And me still being the single person that I am, I’m really starting to see things a little clearer.

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Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m 30 years old. Not some inexperienced, barely out of high school, thinks the world is all butterflies and bubblegum, young girl. I’ve been through some highs and some low lows when it comes to men. Yes I started out life quite gullible.  I didn’t know if I was the one doing something wrong, or if every guy thought they could treat another person that way. All I knew was that I didn’t want to move back in with parents. So I chose one night-mare over another. Which is and might very well be the best decision I’ve made so far in adulthood. (Along with plenty other great decision, just this one is pertaining to relationships. ) I’ve grown and learned so much about life, just through relationships alone. And not just romantic ones. But right now, this very day, I know exactly what I want. I’m not afraid to say it, show it, or prove it. I have that feeling. And I know this person does too. It just hasn’t happened yet. So my life wouldn’t be mine if it didn’t have complicated things in it. And this relationship is one of those complicated ones. I havent figured it out yet, but I’m slowly trying to tell this person that I’m madly in live with them and that they are too. And that we really couldn’t ask for a better partner, friend, or  lover.
So through all the complicatedness, that feeling that you get when you meet someone special, that feeling hasn’t left. It hasn’t dwindled or faded. In fact that feeling has grown, developed and matured.
That is what I want and I wont give up until I get definitive never-gonna-happen from him. (Which I don’t see happening in the future.)

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Read, like, share, post: REPEAT


Does anybody, (over the age of 25) remember how we managed as kids and teenagers without the use of the internet?

Exactly what we are all doing right now.

Browsing to see who read, liked, shared, or commented on our blog, facebook, twitter, Google +, you name it, we’re on it.

Right?

auto correct

Next,

we will read some blogs,

like them if we like them, think they’re funny, creative, inspiring, etc…

And if the posts are extra special; like the ‘I wish I saw it first’ kind of special,

then we share it.

(Comments are basically only meant for a conversation between your friends, or a quick “lol”.)

ARE you’ALL feeling ME?

Ok, ok, back to my point for describing a bit of our daily habits.

I sure as heck didn’t have a way to quickly tell my mom that I was going to miss the bus for school and there was no one home to take me and too far to walk. (If so, she could have easily turned around and taken me to school.)

So I guess that would have given us convenience. CHECK

Being able to look up a phone number while driving down the road,in the middle of no where…sitting on your couch, too lazy to go get a phone book. With address, directions, (turn by turn), a map from point A to point B, AND a satellite street view of your destination so you know what to look for.

(I so could have used this at one of my earlier jobs. Driving around aimlessly looking for customers houses, in a town I rarely drive in, with directions that the customer gave me. Well, my manager to give me. Lost, lost, lost…)

This also would have been great to have. CHECK

There’s one more thing I was trying to think of… It was right on the tip of my tongue… Gosh dan…..! Just kidding, how did we all say it back in the “day”? Yahoo? Or AOL? But now its, Google. My friend, my partner in crime, my doctor, lawyer, therapist. The one-and-only, know-it-all.

And if you can remember it’s beginning stages and then look how far it has come. Wow! My 12 year old self would have thought you were lying if you ever told me that I would someday be able to talk into a device. Ask this device any question, and it would 99% of the time give me an answer. Along with all the bells and whistles.

The technology these days…it controls us…runs our lives….lives our lives for us in a way…..

Chew on that awhile…

steve jobs

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But I liked him first!

When you like your friends friend. Good or Bad Idea?

Have you ever had this friend that you really liked. Someone that you thought was so cute and fun to be around. And weirdly enough, you both liked each other but knew that you could never be together because your relationship felt for like a brother/sister relationship. So this kind of area is very sensitive. Especially when it comes to you being one of the twos best friend, and the other really likes YOU.

So yes. This was me and my friend, (we’ll call her Sarah) Sarah. And Sarah had this guy friend that she really, and I mean really liked. She exclaimed to me numerous times that she knew they couldn’t be together and it was never going to happen. One day she introduced me to him and sometime during a night out drinking we exchanged numbers. So blah blah blah, one thing lead to another and we were seeing each other on a regular basis.

I had accidentally lost or left my phone at a bar, which had been gone for over a week, And out of the blue, Sarah shows up at my house, (we hadn’t seen each other for a couple months) and she had my phone. Come to find out, she had it for a few days and went through my texts between the guy and I. She was upset. Super angry. She couldn’t believe that I betrayed her like that. She quit talking to me for over a year.

I understand now, that maybe I shouldn’t have gone behind her back to see someone that she’s infatuated with. On the other hand, she made it pretty clear that she couldn’t and would never be with him.

My questions for you is, what would someone do in a situation like that? Did she have the right to be that mad at me? Should I have got mad at her for going through my phone? How would you approach your friend about liking someone that she has a crush on? 

We're best friends though.

We’re best friends though.

 

By the way, this whole situation is done and over with. And Sarah and I are back to being best friends again. She forgives me for “betraying” her and loves me just like before.

Help!

 

 

 

 

 

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A perfect word for an “impirfic” dictionary.

 

Writing, is said to have begun sometime between 600BCE and 1200 BCE.

Writing, is said to have begun sometime between 600BCE and 1200 BCE.

I thought I would take this time to explain the title of my blog. Some of you may have no idea what it says, let alone the meaning, and some might have made up their own ideas thinking they’ve got it figured out. 

Well I assure you, you probably all have it wrong. I gotta tell you that I had a “genius” moment when I came up the title because I felt it fit in perfectly with exactly what I was trying to portray as a blogger. 

The word, Impirfic, comes from two words. “I’m” and “perfect”. Of course those words come across as saying that I think I am perfect. However, the reason for the squished together misspelled words is because I want to show that in fact I am not perfect, and that its ok to be different, or wrong. I am showing that I am not afraid of what people might say about my in corrections or my thinking behind my genius idea. Makes me laugh. 

So with that being said, I want to give you all a heads up for my future blogs where that you might come across some words that are not actual words and one that I have made up. I’ll explain the meaning of such words when the time comes. 

For now, enjoy your pirfic day! And have fun with the title to this blog. 

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Thinking, is clearly not acceptable.

I think it’s  so ironic when stories come across my screen that directly relates to what I am so passionate about. 

I wont explain what this is, but I will tell you that its interesting.

beauty and the beast

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Promise to love me later

      In future blogs I am going to explain the ways that we do things that I believe need improvement and express my logical unbiased opinions on ways to make a change.  Here is my promise to you, “I will listen and respect each persons opinions and ideas with out any judgement or negativity.” I believe that everyone has a different opinion about things, and it is not wrong, stupid, or uncool to say it out loud. My goal is to show people how to react and accept people just how they are. Now I’m not saying that we all have to be friends with each other. What I am saying, is we need to stop judging one another! It does not make you cool to put others down. And me saying this, does not mean I’m judging you, it means you need to learn acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance is telling yourself that everyone is not like you, we all have a different story, and there is nothing wrong with having opinions. Giving people dirty looks, calling them names, making fun of them, making them feel stupid, fighting with them, ignoring, and not including them, because they are different than you, is shameful. Forgiveness is being able to forgive yourself for any negative judgement you throw out for the sole purpose of offending someone.good judgment comes from For any moments you find yourself excluding someone for being different. Or anytime you refuse or deny someone a free drink of water or a bite to eat. I’m not saying feed the world okay. But its a proven fact that society looks at homeless people as lazy, addicts, dirty, hopeless people. Which was put in our heads from not only watching television, but by how we see others treat them. Granted people make mistakes. And nobody ever said we were only aloud one mistake. Not all homeless people are addicts, have mental issues, or refuse to apply themselves. We can pretty much say the same thing with any one group. “Not supposed to talk to that guy, he’s dirty. He looks and smells weird. Get a job you crazy lunatic!” These all relate to you not knowing their story. Forgive yourself for believing that you have to be a certain way to fit in. Forgive yourself for all the judgments you’ve had for people over your life. I am just as guilty. I forgive myself everyday. I find myself judging others all the time. I tell myself that its okay for them to be that way, and I forgive myself. Now, here is whats been the hardest to achieve and practice. Forgiving others. Just like accepting, forgiving others means to accept their opinions of you. Forgive others for making the choice to pass you up. Forgive them for not allowing others into their life because of their idea of whats acceptable. These all seem like I’m saying we have to be friends with everyone. Not at all!
Think of things like, "be careful", "need help", "you seem in a hurry"....

Think of things like, “be careful”, “need help”, “you seem in a hurry”….

     I give you a challenge. Go to the grocery store when its a little busy, and shop for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. Recognize and note each moment you judge someone. And think about what you are judging them about. Trust me, I was surprised about the reasons I was ‘silently’ judging people. For the kind of milk they like, cheese they eat, or even how many kids some had tagging along. I think back now and say to myself, so what! So what if they like the ‘green lidded’ milk. So what if they are buying all junk food. So what if they are paying with food stamps. These are all things that relate to ‘their-story’ once again. A story we don’t have a single clue about. And my opinions on what they eat are none of my business, that’s what they like, and It doesn’t make either of us better or worse than the other. (Choice).
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